Contemporary Love

As if I had the answers.

True, I've learned quite a bit over the last year and a half. I have a very good idea of the time and expense involved in moving to the European Union and remaining there legally, at least in the case of a U.S. citizen; I now know more about the Schengen Treaty than I care to; and, I can tell you how to navigate the Heathrow, Charles DeGaulle, and Frankfurt International Airports.

But I've also learned something truly important. Something about the power of love.

Before Proverb and I met for the first time in Paris in May, 2002, we thought we were in love. In less than twenty-four hours after meeting we knew we were. There's a big difference between the two. Our "plan" before meeting in Paris was simple. We each had our own life, hers in Portugal, mine in Los Angeles. Yes, we "loved" each other, but thought we could continue our long distance love after meeting in Paris by simply spending our holidays together, here, there, or at some exotic location in-between. Two or so weeks a year. We met on May 7. By May 8 that simple plan was out the window. From that point on the only life that made sense was a life together, daily, permanently. Period.

From Paris we flew to Porto where she lived, and where we now live together. A week later I returned to Los Angeles. Within a month I was back in Portugal to stay. I arrived with two guitars and one suitcase containing: clothes; old photos; a few miscellaneous items related to my life that my mother had collected; three books; a digital camera; and, a few CDs. Gone was a fine automobile and a nice house with a garage full of "stuff" that probably now sits in someone else's garage gathering dust. Life was ahead, not behind.

What I didn't bring with me was a plan as to exactly how Proverb and I were going to create a life together in Portugal. At the time it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was Proverb's beautiful face being the last thing I saw at night and the first thing I saw in the morning.

My research into how I could legally stay in Portugal consisted of some Internet browsing and one call to the Poruguese consulate office in San Francisco. I would be permitted to stay in Portugal for three months after which I would have to visit a non-EU country and have my passport stamped in order to stay in Portugal for another three months.

Sounded easy, especially when the lady at the consulate's office told me all I had to do was visit Morocco for the passport stamp, a non-EU country not far from Portugal and not all that expensive to visit. The reality of staying in Portugal legally would prove quite different.

The alternative of Proverb moving to the U.S. was never a serious option. By occupation and family she was much more tied to Portugal than I was to the U.S. I had lived outside of the U.S. before, in Asia, enjoyed it, and figured living in Europe would be even easier, the language and culture being more familiar.

But there really was no "plan". Now when I receive emails from people who are in situations similar to ours, I marvel at the depth of detail people consider before making a long distance relationship a reality - a study in logistics worthy of a major military campaign. What was I thinking?

Of course, I wasn't thinking. I was feeling. My "thinking" amounted to no more than a belief that once we were together things would somehow work out. A very strong belief. A belief strong enough for me to abandon everything for the only thing that drove me.

Love.

History and literature are full of examples of the power of love. My life, though, isn't. Before Proverb, I would have been the last person you would guess could ever act under the influence of the power and magic of love.

I was a walking testament to the power of reason.

So, while I've learned a good deal about international travel and visa applications, I've learned more important things. Things and lessons I missed in the graduate school of philosophy. I've learned that words and reason are means and not ends. They're simply tools. I've learned that if you're lucky, there are rare moments in your life in which your heart takes command and speaks clearly, making words and reason nothing more than bubbles of air.

Now when people email me and ask, should I do this or that, I know the answer. Probably not. When your heart knows, doubts, fear, and questions fade. The power of love, as I know it, does first and thinks after. Practical? No. Easy? No. Risky? Yes. Worthwhile? Beyond words.

I don't mean to create a false impression. True love isn't a static thing that instantly transforms life into a carefree adventure in wonderland. It's a living, breathing thing that can grow and flourish or wither and die. It's a flower that requires careful tending. Its first appearance is a seed and, as powerful as that appearance might be, it's a seed that often finds itself in rocky ground where cultivation requires considerable attention, labor, and sacrifice.

And I'm not suggesting that we live recklessly, that we throw caution to the wind every time we get a whiff of desire, passion, infatuation, or other form of attraction. Keep it safe and sane.

And I can't say when or if you'll experience true love, though if it can happen to me it can happen to anyone, whether you're ten feet or ten thousand miles apart.

What I can say is that when you discover the seed of true love heed the clear voice of your heart and tend your garden well.

Have a safe and wonderful holiday season.